Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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