just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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