afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
