She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
