my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
