lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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