I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
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I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
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I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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