You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
