I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
