also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
