Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
