whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
