So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize