I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
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his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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