Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
