How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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