I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
