I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
