listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
