What did we do last night that was yellow?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
