I just gift wrapped bread.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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