Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
