Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
