sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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