I heard we made out
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
