Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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