The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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