I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I had to cum in my sink.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize