shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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