Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
