I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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