I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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