i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
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Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
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You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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