Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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