The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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