at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me i tasted like america
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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