i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
