I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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