It's Friday. Sex?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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