Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
