I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
