i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
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He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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