Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize