When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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