I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
