Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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