You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We don't watch enough power rangers
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
