i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
