If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
