"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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