Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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