I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
