it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
