end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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