Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
