Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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