Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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