In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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