I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
