Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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