I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
