The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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