i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
