How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
