If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
